Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
