You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
