ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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