There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
