Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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