Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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