Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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