but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
