high people should be assigned attendants
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You're like the curious george of whores
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
