Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I want to fling myself into the sun
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
