well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
