help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
bring money and cleavage
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
