I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
