Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
