coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
