I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Someone shit on the floor
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
