i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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