I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
