Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
