no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
