Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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