so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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