Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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