She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
