oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
