i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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