You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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