ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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