I heard we made out
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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