i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We got so high we made milksteak
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
