he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
