we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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