Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
