i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
