the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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