He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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