she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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