remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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