Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
