I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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