i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
