I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
