I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
