how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
