dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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