you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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