there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
