News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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