We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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