i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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