I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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