god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
