I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
