hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
