ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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